Paddy Goes To Holyhead - Seven Drunken Nights

Seven Drunken Nights

ONE
As I came home on Monday night, as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a horse outside the door, where my old horse should be,
So I said to me wife, me pretty little wife,
Oh won't you tell to me
Why is this horse outside the door, where my old horse should be?
She said You're drunk, you're drunk, you silly old fool,
so drunk you canna see
Tis only an old milk cow that my mother sent to me
Well, i've travelled the world over, a hundred miles or more
But a saddle on a milk cow I've never seen before

TWO
As I came home on Tuesday night, as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a coat beside the door, where my old coat should be,
So I said to me wife, me pretty little wife,
Oh won't you tell to me
Why is this coat beside the door, where my old coat should be?
She said You're drunk, you're drunk, you silly old fool,
so drunk you canna see
Tis only an old blanket that my mother sent to me
Well, i've travelled the world over, a hundred miles or more
But buttons on a blanket I've never seen before

THREE
As I came home on Wednesday night, as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a pipe upon the table, where my old pipe should be,
So I said to me wife, me pretty little wife,
Oh won't you tell to me
Why is this pipe upon the table, where my old pipe should be?
She said You're drunk, you're drunk, you silly old fool,
so drunk you canna see
Tis only an tin whistle that my mother sent to me
Well, I've travelled the world over, a hundred miles or more
But tobacco in a tin whistle I've never seen before

FOUR
As I came home on Thursday night, as drunk as drunk could be
I saw some boots beside the bed, where my old boots should be,
So I said to me wife, me pretty little wife,
Oh won't you tell to me
Why are these boots beside the bed, where my old boots should be?
She said You're drunk, you're drunk, you silly old fool,
so drunk you canna see
Tis only an old chamber pot that my mother sent to me
Well, I've travelled the world over, a hundred miles or more
But laces on a chamber pot I've never seen before

FIVE
As I came home on Friday night, as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a head upon the pillow, where my old head should be,
So I said to me wife, me pretty little wife,
Oh won't you tell to me
Why is this head upon the pillow, where my old head should be?
She said You're drunk, you're drunk, you silly old fool,
so drunk you canna see
Tis only a little baby that my mother sent to me
Well, I've travelled the world over, a hundred miles or more
But whiskers on a baby I've never seen before

SIX:
As I came home on Saturday night, as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a man run out the door, and it was after three!
So I said to me wife, me pretty little wife,
Oh won't you tell to me
Who is this man run out the door, and here tis after three?
She said You're drunk, you're drunk, you silly old fool,
so drunk you canna see
Tis the English tax collector that the uQeen has sent to me
Well, I've roamed this world for many a day, a hundred miles or more
(Pause briefly here to heighten the effect)
But an Englishman that could last til three I never saw before

SEVEN
As I came home on Sunday night, as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a thing in my wife's thing, where my old thing should be,
So I said to me wife, me pretty little wife,
Oh won't you tell to me
Why is this thing in your thing, where my old thing should be?
She said You're drunk, you're drunk, you silly old fool,
so drunk you canna see
Tis only an tin whistle that my mother sent to me
Well, I've travelled the world over, a hundred miles or more
but hair on a tin whistle I never saw before