Buffy The Vampire Slayer - I'll Never Tell

Anya:
This is the man
That I plan to entangle
Isn't he fine?

My claim to fame
Was to maim and to mangle
Vengeance was mine

But I'm out of the biz
The name I made I'll trade for his
The only trouble is...
I'll never tell

Xander:
She is the one
She's such wonderful fun
Such passion and grace

Warm in the night
When I'm right in her tight..
Embrace, tight embrace!

I'll never let her go
The love we've known can only grow
There's just one thing that - no
I'll never tell

Xander and Anya:
'Cause there's nothing to tell

Anya:
He snores

Xander:
She wheezes

Anya:
Say 'housework' and he freezes

Xander:
She eats these skeezy cheeses
That I can't describe

Anya:
I talk
He breezes

Xander:
She doesn't know what 'please' is

Anya:
His penis got diseases
From a Chumash tribe

Xander and Anya:
The vibe gets kind of scary

Xander:
Like she thinks I'm ordinary

Anya:
Like it's all just temporary

Xander:
Like her toes are kind of hairy

Xander and Anya:
But it's all very well
'Cause god knows, I'll never tell

Anya:
When things get rough, he
Just hides behind his Buffy
Now look - he's gettin' huffy
'Cause he knows that I know

Xander:
She clings
She's needy
She's also really greedy
She never --

Anya:
His eyes are beady

Xander:
This is my verse! Hello?
She --

(tempo changes, Anya dances)

Anya: (spoken)
Look at me! I'm dancin' - crazy!

(Xander joins in - dance break continues)

Xander and Anya:
You know

Xander:
You're quite the charmer

Anya:
My knight in armor

Xander:
You're the cutest of the Scoobies
With your lips as red as rubies
And your firm yet supple..
Tight embrace!

(dance break - fast then slow)

Anya:
He's swell

Xander:
She's sweller

Anya:
He'll always be my feller

Xander:
That's why I'll never tell her
That I'm petrified

Anya:
I've read this tale
There's wedding, then betrayal
I know that come the day
I'll want to run and hide

Anya and Xander:
I lied
I said it's easy
I've tried
But there's these fears I can't quell

Xander:
Is she looking
For a pot of gold?

Anya:
Will I look good
When I've gotten old?

Xander:
Will our lives become too stressful
If I'm never that successful?

Anya:
When I get so worn and wrinkly
That I look like David Brinkley?

Xander:
Am I crazy?

Anya:
Am I dreamin'?

Xander:
Am I marrying a demon?

Xander and Anya:
We could really raise the beam
In makin' marriage a hell
So thank god, I'll never tell
I swear that I'll never tell

Xander:
My lips are sealed

Anya:
I take the fifth

Xander:
Nothin' to see
Move it along

Xander and Anya:
I'll never...
Tell!