NOFX - Album: Ribbed (one Latex Condom)

GREEN CORN

Sometimes I think of all the places where I don't
wanna go
Then I think of all the things that I don't wanna do
And when I think of all the people that I don't wanna
meet
I close my eyes and go to sleep

Tully, baby, you're trapped behind your golden bars
I'm the prince of poverty hangin' out in bars
Your life's a Mercedes, a mansion with a pool
My life's on a bus stop just waiting for some fuel

Your obviousness disgusts me I see thru your macho
lies
I'll fight everything you stand for
There's something in your purse baby, my head is
getting sore
Maybe what we had was just green corn


THE MORON BROTHERS

Talking about the Moron Bros', tattooed fingers,
tattooed toes
They're idiots, losers, they're scum
Taking advantage of everyone
You're a dog, they're your fleas
Doing everything they can to spread disease

They'll take your beer, they'll take your drugs
Leave with you microscopic bugs
Their company is something you won't miss
Then your icetrays are filled with piss
They are the Moron Brothers
Don't get along with others

They'll whine, they'll bitch, they'll fuck you if you're rich
They'll leach, they'll latch, they are the itch you can't
scratch
Do do do do do do do do da do do...

They'll ink your face, tape your eyelids closed
Tabasco's in your mouth,
there's mustard up your nose
When your head is shaved you'll think the worst has
passed
Just try to move your leg
they've put you in a cast
They are the Moron Brothers
Don't get along with others

They may not go down in history
But they'll go down on your sister

SHOWER DAYS

In the morning I awake
I feel my bladder about to break
I scratch my balls I rub my eyes
Just feeling lousy

My girlfriend tells me that
It's time to take a bath
I say, "No, not today, it's only Tuesday"

Once every 24 hours
I'm supposed to take a shower
That's not the way I do it
Do it do it

Personal hygiene is the last thing on my mind
I don't want to do it
Do it do it

It doesn't make a difference to me
Everyday I do the same old thing
So why should I have to be clean?

Those dreaded Wednesdays and Saturdays
Also known as shower days
I hate them

FOOD, SEX AND EWE

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me
I'd rather watch 10 hours of T.V.
But since I can't I'll think of food
I'll think of sex
I'll think of music
And I'll think of you

I'd rather have a cold one by the sea
I'd rather have you sitting on top o'me
But since I'm here and you're so far away
I'll read about Zaphod Beeblebrox
As I pass the day, hey

I'd rather not spend my whole night driving
I'd rather not be on so much caffeine
But since you're in bed and I'm sleeping
on some floor
I'll think of you and I'll wish that I was home

JUST THE FLU

Looking back to the past,
predictions of the end
Unseen ultra violet rays
are beating on my head
Nuclear threat wanna bet will be our demise
The day will come when we'll look to apocalyptic skies

When the news had spread, that soon we'd all be
dead
Well it just blew our minds
No one could have guessed that our worst fears at
best
Figments of our time

So it seems that our dreams will never come to be
How could such a stupid thing destroy humanity?
A few weeks till extinction and there's nothing we can
do
A message sent to other worlds will say, "It was just the flu"

There's no lesson to be learned
There's no one left to learn it

EL LAY

Get out of my way,
can't you see I'm from L.A.?
Yeah, I met Slash, I've got a rose tattoo
I bet I know way more people than you

I just love this town,
my girlfriend weights 84 pounds
Met her at the Cathouse where I get in for free
She pays the rent while I watch T.V.

When we go out tonight,
gotta get my hair just right
Tight black pants and blue suede shoes
I'll getm y picture in Rock City News

Gotta get those flyers out,
might meet a talent scout
And he will talk contracts with me
My fame and fortune and MTV

NEW BOOBS

Something is lacking, I'm not attracting
My boobs are not as big as I want them to be
I want 36D

I'm not receiving enuff affection
Gonna get me a silicon injection
And fulfill my dreams, bust through my seams

My social life is pathetic, I can't find a man
When I need is cosmetic surgery
Be the best I can be

Proteins, and milkshakes, mass vitamin consumption
Who needs to diet when liposuction
is painless and quick, local anesthetic

Now my body is a model, a flawless perfection
I most certainly will cause an erection
wherever I go, but I still don't know

The reason why I can't find a mate
Guys I meet ejaculate
Then leave through the door,
I can't take anymore

CHEESE

It's been a long time
Now it's time to get your bubble burst
Things are bad enough in this world
Why do you have to make them worse?
Day after day, you just gotta get it

WHERE'S MY SLICE?

So sick and tired of your bitching and complaining
So long you've been oppressed while others lives are
gaining
Want reparations, you're needy and deserving
Can't understand why some are served while you're
doing the serving
Anything but responsibility

Where's my slice?
I want more than equal rights
I want everything for free!

You waste your time concerned with what others are
earning
You want a revolution to start the tables turning
A demonstration to make a better nation
We'll spend the day protesting all the problems that
we're facing
Anything but face reality
Where's my slice...

Your brilliant theory
how the world owes you a living
You'll take away from others
the things they should be giving
They own the pie and you want your share
Whoever told you life was fair?
You were dealt your hand - now play it

Where's my slice...

TOGETHER ON THE SAND

Together on the sand,
we walked hand in hand
On the beachfront, she smiled at me
As she tightly held my hand
I had my finger up her...
Country music played on the radio
So I turned it off and we walked down
To the water, as she grabbed on to my honker
A wave swept us away

NOWHERE

You can't believe the things you see and read
The Soviet threat
Our pseudo enemy
What's scaring me?
Our foreign policy
To make the world safe for business
Call it democracy

Our human nature, it's all the same
We spend our lives in the pursuit of happiness
So stop the hate, open the iron gate
It's our destiny to make the cold war history

You think I give a shit
If you're a socialist
If you're a capitalist
We've all got to exist
On this planet with nowhere to run
The millions of brainwashed must open their eyes
We are one

With us over here and them over there
Barbed wire borders are going nowhere

BRAIN CONSTIPATION

Somebody hear me, somebody listen to me
Am I alone in this world
Is there anyone listening?
Appease me, can't find a reason to be
Alienation, is taking over me

I'm going away, can't go on any longer
I really don't know why I just gotta die
I never thought this was how it would end

The body swinging,
I see it over and over again
Vanian singing, can I ever listen to it again?
A cry for attention was a cry never heard

With no one listening,
there was nothing to be heard
Nothing to be heard

GONOHERPASYPHLILAIDS

Sitting in a room waiting for some news
Sitting in a room with white knuckles
Not feeling so good
I didn't do the things I should

I said, "Doc, tell me what's wrong with me"
He had this expression he didn't know what to say
"It seems that you've contracted a new strain."

How could this happen to me?
Another victim another casualty
From fucking casually, another casualty

All the times I should have worn a jimmy hat
All the times I said, "What the fuck,
I won't look back, that's not for me."
I wouldn't listen to reason
Now look at me

I DON'T WANT YOU AROUND

Jenny, so many times I tried to get away
But you kept following me all over town
I'll display it, there's no way to say it
I don't just want you,
I just don't want you around
I don't want you around,
you follow me around
It's really bringing me down.
I don't want you around

When it was time to go I had nothing to say
Don't you look at me,
don't you look at me that way
"I love you!" Oh, really? Please go away

What gave you the idea?
Get it out of your head
You follow us around,
we're not the Grateful Dead
I wanted to be friends but you wanted more
So, like I told you before,
I don't want you around

THE MALACHI CRUNCH

Did you get that rush, that feeling, adrenalin
pumping through your veins?
A lifeless body in the gutter, city streets are stained
How do you rationalize, what do you see
in your reflection?
A kid just having fun, A soldiers bloodied
boot impression
One for all and all for one, especially when
it's ten on one
You don't care what you're doing, you know
it sure is fun

If it happened to your mother would
you laugh so hard?
Well, that was someone's son or brother
That you kicked so hard

This time you went too far
What's the matter, don't you feel alright?
Do you feel remorse?
Or are the handcuffs on a little too tight?

Now that your friends are gone, you've got no
defense, no protection
5 or 6 times a day you receive your hot beef injection
I hope every time you're cornholed
terror fills your mind
The one emotion you have inspired one too many
times.