Michelle Pfeiffer - (The legend of) miss Baltimore crabs

Front step, cha-cha-cha, back step cha-cha-cha,
side step, front step, back, and turn.

Oh my god, Penny, there's Link, Link!
I can't believe I'm really here auditioning!

I can't believe I'm really here watching you audition!

Fron't step, cha-cha-cha, back step cha-cha-cha,
side step, front step, back, and, oh,
Amber, look at this motly crew!
Things sure have changed
since when I was crowned Miss Baltimore Crabs!

Oh, my God how times have changed,
these girls must be blind, or completly deranged!
But time seemed to halt, when I was Miss Baltimore Crabs.
Amber, that move is far too dirty!

Mother, wake up from that dream of yours, this isn't 1930!

You can laugh, but life's a test!
Don't do this, don't do that!
Remember, Mother knows best!
And the crowns in the valt
from when I won Miss Baltimore Crabs

These steps are perfect ammunition.

Let me show you how your Mommy dear,
took out tha competition.
Girls, go get 'em, boys lets ramba!
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8
Those poor runner ups
mite still hold some grudges
They padded their cups
But I screwed the judges!
Those broads thought they'd win,
If a plate they would spin in their dance.
..not a chance!!
Boys, put me down!
Oh, good morning ladies, lets see what you got!

Twist, twist, twist, twist, mashed potato, mambo!

Ready-begin
On my show you'll never find a thrusting hip
or bumping behind!

Was that a dance for fleas and ticks?

Oh, you should have seen my bag of tricks!
Oh I hit the stage
Batons ablaze
While belting Aida
and preparing SOUFLEES!
But that triple somersault
Is how I clinched Miss Baltimore Crabs!

Proceed.

Are you scared, we're on live?

No, I'm sure I can cope. Well, this show isn't broadcast in

Cinemascope!

I never drank 1 chocolate malt
no desserts for Miss Baltimore Crabs!

This one will never get a date in those hand-me-down clothes!

Kid, she'll never get a date
'til daddy buys her a new nose!
I would say
Oy gevalt!!...
if I wasnt miss baltimore crabs

Do you dance like you dress?

Amber, theres no need to be cruel

wuld u swim in an intergrated pool?

I sure would!
I'm all for intergration!
It's tha new frontier!

Not in baltimore, it isnt.
and may i be frank?
1st impressions can be tough
and when i saw you I knew
if ur size weren't enough
your last answer just blew it!
and so my dear
so short and stout
you'll never be in
so we're kicking you out!
with ur form and ur face
Oh,but it isn't your falt!
You're just down with a case of Miss

Baltimore

Crabs!!...ugh, you may go

I think they secretly liked u!

May I please audition?

Of course not
but u can bow and exalt
'cause i am miss baltimore crabs!

crabs, crabs, crabs