Nas - The Real Slim Shady

May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here.

Y'all act like
Ya never seen a white person before.
Jaws all on the floor like Pam,
Like Tommy just burst in the door.
And started whooping her ass worse than before.
They first were divorced,
Throwin' her over furniture. (Ahh!)
It's the return of the...
"Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,
He just didn't say what I think he did, did he?"
And Dr. Dre said...
Nothing you idiots! Dr. Dre's dead,
He's locked in my basement!
(Ha-ha!)
Feminist women love Eminem.
Slim Shady, I'm sick of him.
Look at him,
Walking around grabbing his you-know-what,
Flipping the you-know-who, yeah,
But he's so cute though.
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws
Up in my head loose.
But no worse than
What's going on in your parents' bedrooms.
Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't.
But it's cool for Tom Green
To hump a dead moose.
"My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips".
And if I'm lucky,
You might just give it a little kiss.
And that's the message
That we deliver to little kids.
And expect them not to know
What a woman's clitoris is.
Of course they gonna know
What intercourse is,
By the time they hit fourth grade.
They got the Discovery Channel don't they?
"We ain't nothing but mammals".
Well, some of us cannibals.
Who cut other people open like cantaloupes.
But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes.
Then there's no reason, that a man
And another man can't elope.
But if you feel like I feel,
I got the anecdote.
Women wave your panty-hoes,
Sing the chorus and it goes;

I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?
Please stand up, please stand up

Cuz I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?
Please stand up, please stand up

Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps,
To sell his records.
Well I do so...
"Fuck him and fuck you too!".
You think I give a damn about a Grammy?
Half of you critics can't even stomach me,
Let alone stand me.
"But Slim, what if you win,
Wouldn't it be weird?".
Why?
So you guys could just lie to get me here,
So you can sit me here,
Next to Britney Spears.
Shit,
Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs.
So I can sit next to
Carson Daly and Fred Durst.
And hear them argue over;
Who she gave head to first.
You little bitch,
Put me on blast on MTV.
"Yeah, he's cute,
But I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee".
I should download her audio on MP3
And show the whole world...
How you gave Eminem VD.
I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups,
All you do is annoy me.
So I have been sent here to destroy you.
And there's a million of us just like me,
Who cuss like me;
Who just don't give a fuck like me.
Who dress like me;
Walk, talk and act like me.
And just might be the next best thing,
But not quite me!

I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?
Please stand up, please stand up Cuz I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?
Please stand up, please stand up

I'm like a head trip to listen to,
Cuz I'm only giving you;
Things you joke about with your friends
Inside your living room.
The only difference is I got the balls,
To say it
In front of y'all and I don't gotta be
Frost or sugar coated at all.
I just get on a mic and spit it
And whether you like to admit it.
I just shitted better than 90 percent
Of you rappers out there.
Then you wonder how can kids
Eat up these albums like valiums.
It's funny cuz at the rate I'm going
When I'm 30.
I'll be the only person
In the nursing home flirting.
Pinching nurses asses,
When I'm jacking off with Jergens.
And I'm jerkin,
But this whole bag of Viagra isn't working.
And every single person;
Is a Slim Shady lurking.
He could be working at Burger King
Spitting on your onion rings.
Or in the parking lot, circling,
Screaming "I don't give a fuck!".
With his windows down
And his system up.
So, will the real Shady please stand up?
And put one of those fingers
On each hand up?
And be proud to be
Outta ya mind and outta control.
And one more time, loud as you can,
How does it go?

I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?
Please stand up, please stand up

Cuz I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?
Please stand up, please stand up

I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?
Please stand up, please stand up

Cuz I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?
Please stand up, please stand up

Ha ha
Guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us...
Fuck it, let's all stand up...