Helena Bonham Carter - Worst pies in London

A customer!
Wait! What's your rush?
What's your hurry?
You gave me such a...fright!
I thought you was a ghost!
Half a minute, can't ya sit?
Sit ya down!
Sit!
All I meant is that I haven't seen
A customer for weeks
Did ya come here for a pie, sir?
Do forgive me if my head's a little vague
Ugh!
What is that?
But you'd think we had the plague
From the way that people
Keep avoiding!
No you don't!
Heaven knows I try, sir!
But there's no one comes in
Even to inhale!
Right you are, sir
Would you like a drop of ale?
Mind you I can hardly blame them!
These are probably the worst pies in London
I know why nobody cares to take them!
I should know!
I make them!
But good? No
The worst pies in London
Even that's polite! The worst pies in London!
If you doubt it; take a bite! Is that just, disgusting?
You have to concede it!
It's nothing but crusting!
Here drink this, you'll need it
The worst pies in London
And no wonder with the price of meat
What it is
When you get it
Never thought I'd live to see the day
Men'd think it was a treat
Findin' poor animals
What are dyin' in the street
Mrs. Mooney has a pie shop
Does a business, but I notice something weird
Lately, all her neighbors cats have disappeared
Have to hand it to her!
What I calls
Enterprise!
Poppin' pussies into pies!
Wouldn't do in my shop!
Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick!
And I'm telling you them pussycats is quick
No denying times is hard, sir!
Even harder than the worst pies in London
Only lard and nothing more
Is that just revolting?
All greasy and gritty?
It looks like it's molting!
And tastes like...well, pity
A woman alone...with limited wind
And the worst pies in London!
Ah, sir
Times is hard
Times is hard