Avenue Q - Everyone's a little bit racist

Say, Kate, can I ask you a question?

Sure!

Well, you know Trekkie Monster upstairs?

Uh huh.

Well, he's Trekkie Monster, and you're Kate Monster.

Right.

You're both Monsters.

Yeah.

Are you two related?

What?! Princeton, I'm surprised at you! I find that racist!

Oh, well, I'm sorry! I was just asking!

Well, it's a touchy subject.
No, not all Monsters are related.
What are you trying say, huh?
That we all look the same to you?
Huh, huh, huh?

No, no, no, not at all. I'm sorry,
I guess that was a little racist.

I should say so. You should be much more
careful when you're talking about the
sensitive subject of race.

Well, look who's talking!

What do you mean?

What about that special Monster School you told me about?

What about it?

Could someone like me go there?

No, we don't want people like you-

You see?!

You're a little bit racist.

Well, you're a little bit too.

I guess we're both a little bit racist.

Admitting it is not an easy thing to do...

But I guess it's true.

Between me and you,
I think

Everyone's a little bit racist
Sometimes.
Doesn't mean we go
Around committing hate crimes.
Look around and you will find
No one's really color blind.
Maybe it's a fact
We all should face
Everyone makes judgments
Based on race.

Now not big judgments, like who to hire
or who to buy a newspaper from -

No!

No, just little judgments like thinking that Mexican
busboys should learn to speak goddamn English!

Right!

Everyone's a little bit racist
Today.
So, everyone's a little bit racist
Okay!
Ethinic jokes might be uncouth,
But you laugh because
They're based on truth.
Don't take them as
Personal attacks.
Everyone enjoys them -
So relax!

All right, stop me if you've heard this one.

Okay!

There's a plain going down and there's only
one parachute. And there's a rabbi, a priest...

And a black guy!

Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Kate?

Uh...

You were telling a black joke!

Well, sure, Gary, but lots of people tell black jokes.

I don't.

Well, of course you don't - you're black!
But I bet you tell Polack jokes, right?

Well, sure I do. Those stupid Polacks! Now, don't you think that's a little racist?

Well, damn, I guess you're right.

You're a little bit racist.

Well, you're a little bit too.

We're all a little bit racist.

I think that I would
Have to agree with you.

We're glad you do.

It's sad but true!
Everyone's a little bit racist -

All right!

All right!

All right!

All right!
Bigotry has never been
Exclusively white

If we all could just admit
That we are racist a little bit,
Even though we all know
That it's wrong,
Maybe it would help us
Get along.

Oh, Christ do I feel good.

Now there was a fine upstanding black man!

Who?

Jesus Christ.

But, Gary, Jesus was white.

No, Jesus was black.

No, Jesus was white.

No, I'm pretty sure that Jesus was black-

Guys, guys...Jesus was Jewish!

Hey guys, what are you laughing about?

Racism!

Cool.

BRIAN! Come back here!
You take out lecycuraburs!

What's that mean?

Um, recyclables.
Hey, don't laugh at her!
How many languages do you speak?

Oh, come off it, Brian!
Everyone's a little bit racist.

I'm not!

Oh no?

Nope!

How many Oriental wives
Have you got?

What? Brian!

Brian, buddy, where you been?
The term is Asian-American!

I know you are no
Intending to be
But calling me Oriental -
Offensive to me!

I'm sorry, honey, I love you.

And I love you.

But you're racist, too.

Yes, I know.
The Jews have all
The money
And the whites have all
The power.
And I'm always in taxi-cab
With driver who no shower!

Me too!

Me too!

I can't even get a taxi!

Everyone's a little bit racist
It's true.
But everyone is just about
As racist as you!
If we all could just admit
That we are racist a little bit,
And everyone stopped being
So PC
Maybe we could live in -
Harmony!

Evlyone's a ritter bit lacist!